College might not matter all that much…

Tonight was Good Friday church. And true to its name, it was good, really good. In the middle of a powerful and one of my most beloved songs, “The Old Rugged Cross” something came to me. I was overwhelmed with what was consuming my attention, in the middle of my most beloved worship song, I started to list all of the things I wanted to give Isaac.

You know, a happy home, loving parents, yadda yadda yadda… The list continued…

1.       I want to give Isaac a yard to play in.

2.       I want to give Isaac swim lessons.

3.       I want to give Isaac a good education.

4.       I want to give Isaac the ability to go to college.

5.       I want to give Isaac….

It was then I feel to my knees. I want to give Isaac Jesus. I want him to know the old rugged cross that has changed my life. The sweat stained brow that held the crown of thorns. I want to give Isaac a deeply rooted truth, one submerged in scripture.  I want to give Isaac the feeling that consumes me when a praise song comes over the radio, you know, the turn it up and sing until your voice is sore, kind of feeling. I want to give him Jesus.

That’s it. Nothing else, just Jesus. The college education became less important, the yard within the fense that outlines my dream home does not matter. The swim lessons I stress about are no big deal, the items I feel like I “have” to give him really don’t matter, they will not make a lasting impact on his life, so they don’t really matter however, his life will be saved by giving him Jesus. A picture came to my mind, one of me on my knees at the foot of the cross, laying my baby at the base, where the dirt and wood met. Me physically handing my baby over to him. I guess to give him Jesus, so I can give Jesus to him…

Jesus, my sweet Jesus, he is yours. I am yours, we are yours. What we have is yours, all we have has been given to us by your hands, the very hands that were nailed to the cross. I love you and praise you with every breath. Amen.

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I became “that” Mama…

Well, on Saturday, I became “One of those moms”… You know the type… Isaac and I were playing at the little park by our house, it was nice outside. We were both looking a little bed headish. I had 3 day old hair, he had on a onesie and some ratty shorts. We were having a good time; he was playing with rocks, dirt and grass. He kept the dog completely entertained and we were enjoying the weather.

There was another little boy at the same park. He however, was dressed in a collared shirt, a light green sweater vest and kaki shorts. Oh, did I mention he had shoes and socks on, yeah, my kid had neither… The nicely dressed boy was playing with his toy trucks on the clean blue steel bench. His mama came over and our conversation went like this…

Her “Are you with him?” Pointing to my precious one

Me “Yes, he is my son.”

Her “You know he has been playing with rocks right?”

Me “Yep”

Her “Are you worried he might get hurt?”

Me “Nope”

Her “You know he has put some in his mouth…”

Me “I know, but they are not small enough for him to choke.”

Then the saddest thing happened. My precious one came over with a hand full of rocks and a mouth full of grass, he stood in front of the nicely dressed boy and reached out his hand, inviting him to take a rock and come play. The nicely dressed boy, just turned around and walked away from him. His mama proceeded to offer him the sticky hand gel that disinfects as you rub it all over… and then, they shortly left.

My precious one, paid no mind to the dismissal and went back to playing with the dog, his pile of rocks and eating grass. In the mean time, I am sure I am now known as “that mom” who let her kid eat grass, put rocks in his mouth and could not properly dress him for an outing to the neighboring park. Yep, I proudly became “one of those mamas”…

PS: Needless to say, my son is alright. He was not harmed by the rocks or dirt that he played with or the grass that he ate, his cheeks got some sun, I did find grass in his dirty diapers that afternoon, but I figured the extra fiber was good for him, but other than that, he is perfectly fine.

Swimming and Spoons

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We went swimming on Saturday, he loved it – it was nice mama and Isaac time.

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Grandpa Marty taught Isaac how to do this new trick… like it?

Man, I love this kid!

Thank you Jesus for my laughter…

First Hair Cut

Well… let’s just say he did not love it…

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I did manage to get some great pictures! He is such a doll – I cannot believe how big he is getting.

2080 hours and lots of tears…

A year ago today I returned to work from my maternity leave. A year ago I had a tiny little baby, just a little over 2 months old… A year ago today I cried so hard my eyes hurt. A year ago today I was so excited you would have thought it was the first day of kindergarten for me. I had new pens, new shoes, a new frame to sit on my desk and hold a picture of my precious one and of course I totally had on a new outfit. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I remember what it felt like to drop him off for the very first time. I remember emailing with my mother in law all day, just to make sure he was not giving her a hard time, because you know, if I need to come right home, I will… I remember what it felt like to see the clock say 5:00pm and know it was time to go kiss my baby. I kissed him and held him as if I had not seen him for weeks. My poor husband must have thought I had gone crazy. But I spent that night loving on my baby, I ate dinner with him in my arms, I nurses him as we watched TV, we fell asleep together and I cried again when I had to put him in his crib for the night because my heart just could not bare to let him go for another few hours. I remember getting up so excited the next morning, ready to nurse him, kiss him all over and just hold him for a while before having to get ready for the day.

So, I have officially been a full time, working out of the home Mama for a year. Yep, I have spent over 2080 hours over the past 52 weeks away from my baby. I have been blessed with a mother in law who loves him and cares for him. I have been blessed with a new friend, a godly friend who loves on my baby two days a week so Nana can have a break and man; it feels like time has just flown by without warning of how fast it travels. My little fella is walking, starting to talk and giving his Mama real kisses. One thing remains, 5:00pm is my favorite part of the day, dinner as a family, a relaxing evening, kisses and baths before bed, cuddling as we read a story and spending time praying over him, that is my favorite part of the day.

Jesus – you are good. You are good, so good. Thank you for a good year, I praise you for the blessings you have given me, the job you have created for me and the family life you have blessed me with. Some nights were short, some days were long, but regardless, you were there. I could not have made it thru the ups and downs of this year without you. I love you more than life. Amen.

Sick Baby = Hurting Mama

So the little one is sick. He has a bad ear infection. Mama’s heart hurts and I am struggling with going to bed, because if I go to bed, I have to get up and go to work. Nothing makes my heart hurt worse, he is hurting, or just wants to cuddle and I must leave. Sometimes doing what we are called to do, is the hardest.

Lord, give me strength. Give me peace and give me a clean heart, not one that is bitter, rather, one that wants to serve you. Give me you, just give me you… I just need you, your touch, your strength and your presence. Just give me Jesus… I love you, I will go, as hard as it is, I will go tomorrow and serve you.

Tag the Desk – the most perfect day!

So today, not only because it is Friday, was one of the best days of the year. Why? Well, because today was a half day for a full day’s pay… You see, every now and then I am allowed to work 4 hours of the day and take the rest of the day off, without having to take any vacation time… today, was that day. I have decided that when I take half days, I am going to make them a very special time for Mama and Son. Today, we had a great time.

It was just simple, I got out of work early, picked him up, we napped together, picked up around the house, played in the play closet and got ready for the traditional Santa picture. I really enjoyed our time together, it was special. Nothing could have made my day less than perfect. I met my sister’s and brother in law at the mall for the Santa picture. We enjoyed some junk food for dinner, long conversations in the long line and a few laps around the mall.

I will post the pictures shortly… I promise, but for now, I am just going to enjoy the fabulous feeling that comes from enjoying the perfect day.

Lord – thank you for the blessing of this day. I praise you for the blessing of my job, the people I work with and the “tag the desk” policy at work. I pray your tenderness rubs off on me. Bless me with the passion to make each of the half days special. I praise you for the opportunity to enjoy the Holiday festivities, long lines and the blessing of Valet Parking at the mall. I praise you for this perfect day. You are holy and this time of year is all about you, I pray I honored you today, in more ways than one. Forgive me for my shortcomings. I love you, finally, all I want for Christmas is for you to burn this day into my mind and heart so I never forget the feelings I have at this moment, YOU ARE GOOD! Praises Be! Forever and ever amen!