Change Noticed

Over the past three years our lives changed. My husband changed, but today I realized, I changed too. I have watched my husband change, our marriage change, our lives change and I finally got it, I also changed. Today I realized it and it was as plain as day. You see, when hubs got sick, I fell to my knees, no joke, my face pressed to the floor, Jesus and I became tight. I became interverted, I became shy, unsure of myself and for the first time in my life, I had no words to say, if I was not talking with Jesus, I got nervous, I had no words, nothing came.  And today, I realized, I am so much more comfortable either on my knees, face to the floor, or in the back ground of the party.

I am not sure it is a bad thing, however, it is hard to get use to. I got comfortable with my new normal, and now, now that we can go out, socialize with people, see friends we miss, I get nervous. I have no idea what to say, I can either talk about how great Jesus has been to us over the past three years, or I can talk mama talk about my son. But really, I do not know how to just talk with people anymore. Mostly, because life has changed for everyone. Three years has brought newness to everyone’s home, not just mine.

Jesus, give me confidence. Give me strength to reach out and get to know the people I love, once again. Amen.


One Response

  1. You found humility. Now for the peaceful, non-striving, non-self-consciousness confidence that comes with that – just like Jesus had:

    John 13:3-5 (New International Version)
    “3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”

    He knew where He came from; He knew what He was called to and where He was going, so being God- incarnate and the least of all servants were equally comfortable to Him…what a thing to grasp!

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