Defeated and Desperate

I am sitting at work rather consumed by an overwhelming difference in emotions. I experience several different emotions all at one time. I am amazed at the amount of tears one can shed, I have come to understand that it is okay to cry, regardless of who is around, I have come to accept that my face is blotchy and tear stained on any given day. This is a time of testing, this is a time of refinement and this is a time of struggle. In the midst of this trying and tear stained time, I have experienced the overwhelming compassion and strength the Lord has given to such an undeserving woman.  

It is time for the truth to be told, you see, my husband has been sick for more than 12 weeks. We have visited several doctors, countless specialists and have tried several medication concoctions. And yet, the progress is small, yet, still progress but it feels as if we are fighting a battle that has already been won, but no one told us that we are on the defeated team.  I have to believe that those who serve the Lord are not participants on the defeated team, His children are on the victorious team. I have to believe that the Lord I serve is not giving us more than we can handle, however, my strength has diminished and my hope is dimming.

I am going to fight for this man, he is a man who loves the Lord and wants to serve Him. I am going to keep visiting with the doctors and researching different  medications, I am going to keep grasping to my faith, and I am going to plead with the Lord for His mercy.   This is the time in life when one comes to realize the meaning of faith. I was once told that faith is not faith unless it is all you have. With tears steaming down my face I come to you desperate for prayer. I am coming before you as real as they come, as desperate as ever and consumed by feelings of defeat. Is this not the purpose of walking thru life together or the purpose of friendship?  I leave you with my life scripture, one that has seen me thru many trials, my prayer is that it will see me thru this tired and weary time.  

Isaiah 40:30-31 (New International Version)

 30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
       and young men stumble and fall; 

31 but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint.


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