Speak to me!

I got the point this weekend where I just wanted to hear from my Father. I just wanted to know that I am His beloved. I just wanted affirmation that I matter to the One who created the Heaven’s and the Earth. I have come to the conclusion that being broken, truly broken is more than just having hard times in life. Being broken is when nothing matters, there is not a safe place to run to, there is no one to turn to and most of all in the midst of brokenness it feels as if the Lord has turned and left. But that above all is farthest from the truth. It is during the brokenness that the Lord is the closest to me. It is during this time that I feel like the only One that matters is my Savior. I have had lengthy conversations with Him. I find myself just driving around for hours with tears staining my face, just wondering where I will end up and begging for the Lord to be there when I arrive.   I look at those who went before me and I am amazed at how they ever survived life. I truly do not understand how one can walk through the trials of life and not cling to the Lord. Because right now, that is all I have. I have been stripped of everything and everyone, other than Him. I know that my heart is broken, my dreams are fading and most of all I am disappointed at where I am and how things have turned out. But regardless of all of that, I am at peace, just knowing that I can sit on the side of a mountain, in the freezing weather with my Savior. I spent time this weekend at my favorite place, I found myself on a rock, my feet where dangling over the cliff and I was listening to music. I was reading His Word, and I felt at home. I felt peaceful and safe, even through I knew that with one swift move I was over the edge and into the water below. Did I mention it was freezing outside? But you know, that did not matter, the chill on my face was nothing compared to how cold I felt inside. I wanted to see Him, I wanted to touch Him and most of all I wanted to know that no matter what, I am His.  I might not know the simplest of things, but I know my Savior. I know His Word and more importantly, I know that I am His. Regardless of how far I feel from Him, I know that I want nothing more than to be only His. If that means I walk away from everything I have and just have a life with Him alone, I will do it. I am safe at His feet, I am peaceful when I look at what He created and I am at home within the pages of His word. I asked for Him to come and He cam with open arms, I asked Him to speak and He spoke, I asked Him to reveal Himself to me and I brought me to that rock. Most of all I am asking Him to stay with me forever and always and I am at peace with what ever else may come.


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