I moved…

Well, I have moved the blog… don’t worry, this one will not go away… but I did move… so please, check the new one for the latest…

http://mcvigil.blogspot.com/

See you there!

What did their note say?

During all of this time with Andrew suffering I have come to understand the Word so deeply. Recently, I have come across a story that is near and dear to my heart lately, it is the story of Isaac, which played a part in my love for that name… but anyways… here it goes.

Genesis 12:1-7, tells us about God’s call and promise to Abraham. At that time, his name was Abram, and his wife’s name was Sarai. God promised Abram that He would make of him a great nation and that He would bless those who blessed him and curse those who cursed him. How cool of a promise is that? Seriously, I love that the One who created the Heaven’s and the Earth will bless those who blessed this man and curse those who cursed him.

After hearing the promise, Abram and Sarai, along with Abram’s nephew Lot, pulled up stakes and traveled south until they arrived in Canaan, the promised land. One remarkable thing about God and His promises to Abraham is that He told Abram the same thing several times (See 13:14-15, 15:5), but Abram and Sarai weren’t quite sure how God was going to fulfill His promise. This is exactly where I am right now. I have been hearing the same thing for a while now, but am not sure exactly how He will do what ever He has planned and I am not even sure what His plan is… I tell ya, I have been tempted to pack up and move to Canaan as well, a new location, might mean a new message right?  

You see, these two couldn’t have children (11:30), and it seemed obvious that this problem was a major obstacle in the way of the promise that they would become a great nation. At one point, Abram seems to think he’ll never have any children and that a servant will be his heir (15:2), and then Sarai comes up with the idea that maybe God wants Abram to have children through Sarai’s servant, Hagar (16:1). So, between having severe doubts and trying to solve the problem themselves, Abram and Sarai ended up going through a lot of turmoil as they waited to see God’s promise come into being.

I can relate to these two. Now, I have been blessed with a son, Isaac, but their story is near and dear to me. You see, I have asked for another “sticky note” from my Sweet Jesus and this one, well, it did not have any of the information I wanted. It simply said “WAIT”… yep…

Wait

It comes up everywhere, it seems like I cannot escape this one. I was praying over my man last night, and there it was, posted to my alarm in the morning. I was praying over our situation as I enjoyed a caffeinated beverage this morning, and there is was on stuck to my computer at work. Those 4 little words are following me everywhere. And just like Abraham and Sarai, I don’t want to wait. I for some reason am having a hard time waiting for much longer. After all, it has been almost 3 years… Now, Abraham and Sarai waited for much longer than that, but I don’t think we can make it that long.

When I kept digging into their story, it seemed like God was delaying, and in the mean time, trouble would come their way. A famine came into the land (12:10ff), and they went to Egypt, but because Abram was afraid, he and Sarai agreed to deceive the Egyptians and conceal their marriage, claiming that they were only brother and sister. The same sort of thing happened again later when they deceived another king about their marriage (see chapter 20). Because of this deception, Sarai was taken into the household of other men, first of Paraoh and then of Abimelech. Imagine how you would feel if you were Abram–imagine how you would feel if you were Sarai! They were waiting and yet, nothing, or at least it appeared like nothing.

Finally, however, Sarah (her name and Abraham’s were changed in 17:5 and 15) became pregnant long after she was of child-bearing age, and she gave birth to Isaac. A squabble broke out between Sarah and Hagar, because Hagar thought she was better than Sarah–she had been able to bear a son for Abraham and had named him Ishmael. Sarah got tired of Hagar acting superior and of Ishmael making fun of Isaac, so she demanded that Hagar and Ishmael be sent away (chapter 21). Abraham didn’t feel very good about that–after all Ishmael was his son–but God told him to listen to Sarah. You would think that finally God would be satisfied that they had waited in faith and that He had now fulfilled his promise of giving them an heir.

However, in chater 22, we read about one last test. This one gets me every time. God tells Abraham to take his only true heir, Isaac, to a mountain and to sacrifice him to God. Seriously, after all they had been thru, after all the waiting and tests that came their way, they are suppose to give up the every thing they waited for, for so long?

I admire the man for even walking out of the tent, because I am not sure I would have even gotten that far. It turns out that just as Abraham was ready to plunge the knife into Isaac’s chest on the altar, God stopped him, satisfied that Abraham really believed that God could overcome even the death of Isaac and still fulfill His promise. God provided a ram for the sacrifice instead.

I cling to their story. I cling to Abrahams faith in God and Sarah’s devotion to her man. I admire the faith it must have taken to tie his son to that alter and look into his eyes as he is about to sacrifice his one and only son. I at times, feel like Andrew and I are right there with them. Trying to wait in faith and trust with everything we’ve got that something bigger and better is in store. But the faith at times, starts to run out, conversations with Jesus happen with great passion and frustration at the center. We are tired, we are spent and yet, we are still being tested. At this very moment I know I do not have the strength to tie my son to an alter, I am not sure I would have the strength to do that once this “adventure” was over. I am not even sure I have the strength to continue to very basic and necessary tasks life requires, you know, laundry, dishes, work, etc.

In the New Testament passages, we find out that Abraham is held up as a man who believed God’s promises despite the apparent impossibility of them being fulfilled. He is also shown to be one who put feet to his faith by obeying God when God told him to do something. I want to be that kind of servant. I want to have that faith, I want to have that strength. I want my man to have that as well.

Sarah is held up as a model for women, showing them how to be influential with their husbands. We know, having read Genesis, that Abraham and Sarah were not always confident in their faith and that there were several times when their marriage went through difficult periods. But in the New Testament, we learn that they triumphed.

It’s good to know that God doesn’t demand perfection, because right now, I cannot give Him that. I don’t think I could ever give Him that. But He does want us to hold tight to our faith and to the ones we love as we travel the path He has prepared for us.

It is because of their story that I am okay with the sleepless nights, the reoccurring night mares, the repeating of scripture over and over again just because it is truth and that is all we cling to. I am okay with where we are, because they made it. God delivered them, He fulfilled His promises and those promises I will cling to. I guess I just want a different sticky note… may one that will give me more information, like a time line or a deadline of some sort. Anyone else, just want a little stick note every now and then?

Sweet Jesus, I praise you for the night of restful sleep for Andrew. I praise you for a night free from nightmares and one of rest. Thank you for that simple but much needed gift. Give us strength to hang in there and wait. Our goal is to be obedient to you, to serve you, to go where you lead and complete the challenges you have set before us with integrity. Just watch over us. Never leave us, reassure us of your promises and love for us. Come into our home and make your presence known. Heal my man Sweet Jesus, bring healing. I love you. Amen

Between Him and I…

Sweet Jesus, it has been no secret to you that over the past few years, Andrew has been suffering. It is no secret to you that our nights have been restless and our mornings filled with anxiety. It is no secret to you that he is hurting, feeling alone and defeated and it is no secret to you that at times this is all too much to handle. It is also no secret to you, that this conversation between You and I would one day happen. So here it goes… Just as the psalmist David once wrote…

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer O LORD my God.

Give light to me eyes or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say “I have overcome him,”

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I will trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me. Psalm 13

I too have those every same questions. How long will you turn away from my husband? How long will he continue to suffer and have sorrow and anxiety within? How long until he can fell your love and be reassured of his place as your son? How long until enemy no longer triumphs over him? Lord, come quickly, this is a trying time and if there is something we, as one, are not seeing,  hearing or learning, please Lord, light a bush on fire and help us out. As his wife, it is hard to see him suffer.

I will take this anxiety, if it means relief for him, give it to me, just give him relief. Give him a restful night, calm his fears, strip him from the nightmares and wake him with peace. I will do w hat ever you ask. I will sell all we own and give it to the poor and follow you, just as you asked your disciples to do. I will step out of the boat in faith, I will leave comfort and stability behind, I will do whatever you ask. Just ask, just make it clear and bring your peace.

Lord, if I may be so bold, I am done watching him suffer. I have had it, I know your healing power and I am starting to doubt. Your word is made of promises, we have cast the anxiety upon you, we have laid it at your feet, we have prayed continuously, we have sought you in your word and nothing. The anxiety is still there, the restless nights come every day and the toll it is taking on my man is too much. Ease the burden, even if you have to give it to me, just ease the load he carries daily. Your word says that you will make our burdens light, and yet, my man is heavy laden.

Regardless, you are Lord, you are God, you are the Alpha and Omega, and I will praise you in this storm. I will trust that it will not last forever, although 3 years is starting to feel like forever. You have been good to me, you have been faithful, but please just be good to him. Be faithful to him. He loves you, he is faithful to you, just come and come now.

Home Tour Friday – Playing Catch Up…

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a sticky note I had “received” from the Lord. As a result, I have cleaned the entire house, up and down, I have also done a deep cleaning within. More on the inner deep clean later. But for now, I am going to participate in the Home Tour done by Kelly’s Korner and show you around the house, I had to do most of the house all at once and play catch up so, come on in.  Enjoy the tour!house_Page_5

We did some cleaning outside. Since we don’t have a private yard, I wanted to create a place for us to enjoy as a family. There is nothing a little soap and a hose cannot fix, right? This is where the cleaning madness started. Isaac’s grandpa hung the swing, I purchased a little rubber maid box and keep Isaac’s outdoor toys in it, just under the grill and there is a fabulous folding chair that I can occupy, while I read and push Isaac in his swing. It’s perfect!

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Just off the front entry is our living room/dining room. We re-arranged the furniture in the living room, created an entertainment center out of some “previously used” white shelves we had around the house, re-applied a quote “The most wasted of all days is one without Laughter” and “refreshed” the picture frames around the room with new pictures. (By the way – Isaac’s name means laughter. We had that quote before he was born… crazy uh?)

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The dining room and living room are connected so we only did really minor changes with the dining room. My grandmother is a water color artist so I matted and framed some of her art and hung it as a collection.  As you can see, the kitchen is a “multi-functional” space. Since my husband does most of the cooking, I normally do the dishes and clean up. So, I cleaned everything, re-arranged some cabinets and even found something cute in the sink.

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We have created a little play room for Isaac in the coat closet just off the kitchen. He loves it. All of his toys are in there and I love being able to hear him playing from anywhere in the house.

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Upstairs was where most of the “work” happened. The furniture in Isaac’s room was re-arranged, I created a little “couch” in the corner, right by his crib and of course I cleaned everything! Isaac loves to watch TV in the morning from his crib or his “couch” while I get ready for work.

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Isaac has a huge bathroom attached to his room, along with a great closet.  I love the rubber ducky theme and had to go with it for the bathroom. This is another one of those places that Isaac can spend a long time just playing and laughing. He loves bath time. The pictures are a hand painted gift from a sweet friend, I treasure them and think they totally make the bathroom just perfect.

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The loft was a total re-do. We use to have a desk and computer in there, but since we have wireless in the house and a laptop the room hardly ever got used. I had the comfortable chair in which I spend time with the Lord in the mornings and the futon makes for an optional guest room if we ever need it. You will notice that Isaac has toys upstairs too, the hope is that as he gets bigger and as we add to our family, this room can become a second playroom. So technically it is our home office, reading room, guest room and play room.

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Our bedroom is so peaceful. It is my favorite room in the house. The quilt was made by Andrew’s grandmother as a wedding present and is one of those “take in case of a fire” items. We sleep under it every night. I love the scripture above the bed, it is a great reminder for me, and is one of my all time favorites.  “So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” Matthew 19:6

Thank you for coming to visit. Leave a comment so I know where you “live” and I will stop by for a tour as well.

No so little anymore…

So… my little sister is all grown up. Today is her 25th Birthday, yes, she is 25, which makes me 28, which makes us both not so little anymore. I have the most precious memories of the three of us sisters playing around as kids. We were something else. We might not have always gotten along and there are times we still don’t see eye to eye, but there is one thing that is for sure, we are a tight group. We love each other passionately and we are best friends.

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My baby sister’s birthday is one of my favorite days of the year. You see, my older sister’s birthday falls in October, which kicks off the holiday season, mine is in January which ends the holiday season and little one’s birthday is in June which kicks off the summer. Next to the holiday season, the summer is my most favorite time of the year.

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Carol – to you – I want to say, I love you. I am so proud of who you are, all that you accomplished, all that you stand for and all that you dream to achieve. I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! You are the most centered woman I know, your heart is fully devoted to Jesus and your sights are set on Him alone and I love that about you. I pray blessings over you every day. I want you to know that I pray on your behalf all the time, I am standing in the gap for you. I love you. I cannot seem to say that enough. You have seen me at my worst and at my best, and never once did you do anything other than support me, pray for me, pray with me and just love me. Happy birthday sweet pea. I love you!

More as promised…

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More photos to share…

Can you believe he is getting to be this big?

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More to come tomorrow….

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