I moved…

Well, I have moved the blog… don’t worry, this one will not go away… but I did move… so please, check the new one for the latest…

http://mcvigil.blogspot.com/

See you there!

What did their note say?

During all of this time with Andrew suffering I have come to understand the Word so deeply. Recently, I have come across a story that is near and dear to my heart lately, it is the story of Isaac, which played a part in my love for that name… but anyways… here it goes.

Genesis 12:1-7, tells us about God’s call and promise to Abraham. At that time, his name was Abram, and his wife’s name was Sarai. God promised Abram that He would make of him a great nation and that He would bless those who blessed him and curse those who cursed him. How cool of a promise is that? Seriously, I love that the One who created the Heaven’s and the Earth will bless those who blessed this man and curse those who cursed him.

After hearing the promise, Abram and Sarai, along with Abram’s nephew Lot, pulled up stakes and traveled south until they arrived in Canaan, the promised land. One remarkable thing about God and His promises to Abraham is that He told Abram the same thing several times (See 13:14-15, 15:5), but Abram and Sarai weren’t quite sure how God was going to fulfill His promise. This is exactly where I am right now. I have been hearing the same thing for a while now, but am not sure exactly how He will do what ever He has planned and I am not even sure what His plan is… I tell ya, I have been tempted to pack up and move to Canaan as well, a new location, might mean a new message right?  

You see, these two couldn’t have children (11:30), and it seemed obvious that this problem was a major obstacle in the way of the promise that they would become a great nation. At one point, Abram seems to think he’ll never have any children and that a servant will be his heir (15:2), and then Sarai comes up with the idea that maybe God wants Abram to have children through Sarai’s servant, Hagar (16:1). So, between having severe doubts and trying to solve the problem themselves, Abram and Sarai ended up going through a lot of turmoil as they waited to see God’s promise come into being.

I can relate to these two. Now, I have been blessed with a son, Isaac, but their story is near and dear to me. You see, I have asked for another “sticky note” from my Sweet Jesus and this one, well, it did not have any of the information I wanted. It simply said “WAIT”… yep…

It comes up everywhere, it seems like I cannot escape this one. I was praying over my man last night, and there it was, posted to my alarm in the morning. I was praying over our situation as I enjoyed a caffeinated beverage this morning, and there is was on stuck to my computer at work. Those 4 little words are following me everywhere. And just like Abraham and Sarai, I don’t want to wait. I for some reason am having a hard time waiting for much longer. After all, it has been almost 3 years… Now, Abraham and Sarai waited for much longer than that, but I don’t think we can make it that long.

When I kept digging into their story, it seemed like God was delaying, and in the mean time, trouble would come their way. A famine came into the land (12:10ff), and they went to Egypt, but because Abram was afraid, he and Sarai agreed to deceive the Egyptians and conceal their marriage, claiming that they were only brother and sister. The same sort of thing happened again later when they deceived another king about their marriage (see chapter 20). Because of this deception, Sarai was taken into the household of other men, first of Paraoh and then of Abimelech. Imagine how you would feel if you were Abram–imagine how you would feel if you were Sarai! They were waiting and yet, nothing, or at least it appeared like nothing.

Finally, however, Sarah (her name and Abraham’s were changed in 17:5 and 15) became pregnant long after she was of child-bearing age, and she gave birth to Isaac. A squabble broke out between Sarah and Hagar, because Hagar thought she was better than Sarah–she had been able to bear a son for Abraham and had named him Ishmael. Sarah got tired of Hagar acting superior and of Ishmael making fun of Isaac, so she demanded that Hagar and Ishmael be sent away (chapter 21). Abraham didn’t feel very good about that–after all Ishmael was his son–but God told him to listen to Sarah. You would think that finally God would be satisfied that they had waited in faith and that He had now fulfilled his promise of giving them an heir.

However, in chater 22, we read about one last test. This one gets me every time. God tells Abraham to take his only true heir, Isaac, to a mountain and to sacrifice him to God. Seriously, after all they had been thru, after all the waiting and tests that came their way, they are suppose to give up the every thing they waited for, for so long?

I admire the man for even walking out of the tent, because I am not sure I would have even gotten that far. It turns out that just as Abraham was ready to plunge the knife into Isaac’s chest on the altar, God stopped him, satisfied that Abraham really believed that God could overcome even the death of Isaac and still fulfill His promise. God provided a ram for the sacrifice instead.

I cling to their story. I cling to Abrahams faith in God and Sarah’s devotion to her man. I admire the faith it must have taken to tie his son to that alter and look into his eyes as he is about to sacrifice his one and only son. I at times, feel like Andrew and I are right there with them. Trying to wait in faith and trust with everything we’ve got that something bigger and better is in store. But the faith at times, starts to run out, conversations with Jesus happen with great passion and frustration at the center. We are tired, we are spent and yet, we are still being tested. At this very moment I know I do not have the strength to tie my son to an alter, I am not sure I would have the strength to do that once this “adventure” was over. I am not even sure I have the strength to continue to very basic and necessary tasks life requires, you know, laundry, dishes, work, etc.

In the New Testament passages, we find out that Abraham is held up as a man who believed God’s promises despite the apparent impossibility of them being fulfilled. He is also shown to be one who put feet to his faith by obeying God when God told him to do something. I want to be that kind of servant. I want to have that faith, I want to have that strength. I want my man to have that as well.

Sarah is held up as a model for women, showing them how to be influential with their husbands. We know, having read Genesis, that Abraham and Sarah were not always confident in their faith and that there were several times when their marriage went through difficult periods. But in the New Testament, we learn that they triumphed.

It’s good to know that God doesn’t demand perfection, because right now, I cannot give Him that. I don’t think I could ever give Him that. But He does want us to hold tight to our faith and to the ones we love as we travel the path He has prepared for us.

It is because of their story that I am okay with the sleepless nights, the reoccurring night mares, the repeating of scripture over and over again just because it is truth and that is all we cling to. I am okay with where we are, because they made it. God delivered them, He fulfilled His promises and those promises I will cling to. I guess I just want a different sticky note… may one that will give me more information, like a time line or a deadline of some sort. Anyone else, just want a little stick note every now and then?

Sweet Jesus, I praise you for the night of restful sleep for Andrew. I praise you for a night free from nightmares and one of rest. Thank you for that simple but much needed gift. Give us strength to hang in there and wait. Our goal is to be obedient to you, to serve you, to go where you lead and complete the challenges you have set before us with integrity. Just watch over us. Never leave us, reassure us of your promises and love for us. Come into our home and make your presence known. Heal my man Sweet Jesus, bring healing. I love you. Amen

Between Him and I…

Sweet Jesus, it has been no secret to you that over the past few years, Andrew has been suffering. It is no secret to you that our nights have been restless and our mornings filled with anxiety. It is no secret to you that he is hurting, feeling alone and defeated and it is no secret to you that at times this is all too much to handle. It is also no secret to you, that this conversation between You and I would one day happen. So here it goes… Just as the psalmist David once wrote…

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer O LORD my God.

Give light to me eyes or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say “I have overcome him,”

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I will trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me. Psalm 13

I too have those every same questions. How long will you turn away from my husband? How long will he continue to suffer and have sorrow and anxiety within? How long until he can fell your love and be reassured of his place as your son? How long until enemy no longer triumphs over him? Lord, come quickly, this is a trying time and if there is something we, as one, are not seeing,  hearing or learning, please Lord, light a bush on fire and help us out. As his wife, it is hard to see him suffer.

I will take this anxiety, if it means relief for him, give it to me, just give him relief. Give him a restful night, calm his fears, strip him from the nightmares and wake him with peace. I will do w hat ever you ask. I will sell all we own and give it to the poor and follow you, just as you asked your disciples to do. I will step out of the boat in faith, I will leave comfort and stability behind, I will do whatever you ask. Just ask, just make it clear and bring your peace.

Lord, if I may be so bold, I am done watching him suffer. I have had it, I know your healing power and I am starting to doubt. Your word is made of promises, we have cast the anxiety upon you, we have laid it at your feet, we have prayed continuously, we have sought you in your word and nothing. The anxiety is still there, the restless nights come every day and the toll it is taking on my man is too much. Ease the burden, even if you have to give it to me, just ease the load he carries daily. Your word says that you will make our burdens light, and yet, my man is heavy laden.

Regardless, you are Lord, you are God, you are the Alpha and Omega, and I will praise you in this storm. I will trust that it will not last forever, although 3 years is starting to feel like forever. You have been good to me, you have been faithful, but please just be good to him. Be faithful to him. He loves you, he is faithful to you, just come and come now.

Home Tour Friday – Playing Catch Up…

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a sticky note I had “received” from the Lord. As a result, I have cleaned the entire house, up and down, I have also done a deep cleaning within. More on the inner deep clean later. But for now, I am going to participate in the Home Tour done by Kelly’s Korner and show you around the house, I had to do most of the house all at once and play catch up so, come on in.  Enjoy the tour!

We did some cleaning outside. Since we don’t have a private yard, I wanted to create a place for us to enjoy as a family. There is nothing a little soap and a hose cannot fix, right? This is where the cleaning madness started. Isaac’s grandpa hung the swing, I purchased a little rubber maid box and keep Isaac’s outdoor toys in it, just under the grill and there is a fabulous folding chair that I can occupy, while I read and push Isaac in his swing. It’s perfect!

 

Just off the front entry is our living room/dining room. We re-arranged the furniture in the living room, created an entertainment center out of some “previously used” white shelves we had around the house, re-applied a quote “The most wasted of all days is one without Laughter” and “refreshed” the picture frames around the room with new pictures. (By the way – Isaac’s name means laughter. We had that quote before he was born… crazy uh?)

The dining room and living room are connected so we only did really minor changes with the dining room. My grandmother is a water color artist so I matted and framed some of her art and hung it as a collection.  As you can see, the kitchen is a “multi-functional” space. Since my husband does most of the cooking, I normally do the dishes and clean up. So, I cleaned everything, re-arranged some cabinets and even found something cute in the sink.

We have created a little play room for Isaac in the coat closet just off the kitchen. He loves it. All of his toys are in there and I love being able to hear him playing from anywhere in the house.

Upstairs was where most of the “work” happened. The furniture in Isaac’s room was re-arranged, I created a little “couch” in the corner, right by his crib and of course I cleaned everything! Isaac loves to watch TV in the morning from his crib or his “couch” while I get ready for work.

Isaac has a huge bathroom attached to his room, along with a great closet.  I love the rubber ducky theme and had to go with it for the bathroom. This is another one of those places that Isaac can spend a long time just playing and laughing. He loves bath time. The pictures are a hand painted gift from a sweet friend, I treasure them and think they totally make the bathroom just perfect.

The loft was a total re-do. We use to have a desk and computer in there, but since we have wireless in the house and a laptop the room hardly ever got used. I had the comfortable chair in which I spend time with the Lord in the mornings and the futon makes for an optional guest room if we ever need it. You will notice that Isaac has toys upstairs too, the hope is that as he gets bigger and as we add to our family, this room can become a second playroom. So technically it is our home office, reading room, guest room and play room.

Our bedroom is so peaceful. It is my favorite room in the house. The quilt was made by Andrew’s grandmother as a wedding present and is one of those “take in case of a fire” items. We sleep under it every night. I love the scripture above the bed, it is a great reminder for me, and is one of my all time favorites.  “So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate.” Matthew 19:6

Thank you for coming to visit. Leave a comment so I know where you “live” and I will stop by for a tour as well.

No so little anymore…

So… my little sister is all grown up. Today is her 25th Birthday, yes, she is 25, which makes me 28, which makes us both not so little anymore. I have the most precious memories of the three of us sisters playing around as kids. We were something else. We might not have always gotten along and there are times we still don’t see eye to eye, but there is one thing that is for sure, we are a tight group. We love each other passionately and we are best friends.

My baby sister’s birthday is one of my favorite days of the year. You see, my older sister’s birthday falls in October, which kicks off the holiday season, mine is in January which ends the holiday season and little one’s birthday is in June which kicks off the summer. Next to the holiday season, the summer is my most favorite time of the year.

Carol – to you – I want to say, I love you. I am so proud of who you are, all that you accomplished, all that you stand for and all that you dream to achieve. I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! You are the most centered woman I know, your heart is fully devoted to Jesus and your sights are set on Him alone and I love that about you. I pray blessings over you every day. I want you to know that I pray on your behalf all the time, I am standing in the gap for you. I love you. I cannot seem to say that enough. You have seen me at my worst and at my best, and never once did you do anything other than support me, pray for me, pray with me and just love me. Happy birthday sweet pea. I love you!

More as promised…

More photos to share…

Can you believe he is getting to be this big?

More to come tomorrow….

Happy Anniversary my love!

5 years ago today everything changed. My name changed, my living arrangements changed, my life changed and my status as a single woman changed. 5 years ago today, I married the man of my dreams. During our wedding ceremony, just after we were “officially married” I presented him with his first gift from his wife. I presented him with a sword. Yep, that’s right, I gave my husband a real, very sharp, very large sword. You see, it represented so many things to me and it was a great picture of what was in our future. I said to him, there will be times in our life that will require him, as the man of the house to fight all kinds of battles on behalf of his family. Spiritual battles, employment battles, budget battles, emotional battles and even physical battles. I wanted to make sure he was equipped to go to into battle, and the word says the sword of the Spirit is the word of the Lord. I wanted my husband to be prepared for his role as man of the house. I wanted him to know that while he fights all those battles, I will cover him in prayer. I will stand by him, wait for him to return victorious, I will nurse the wounds that come with war, I will build him up, I will be proud of him and I will honor him as the man of our house.

Today, 5 years later, that sword means more to me than it did on our wedding day. Looking back, knowing that I had no idea what battles were in front of us, I can only praise the Lord for bring me to that very gift for my man. The last 5 years have been a bloody war, battles left and right. Nights where my man felt defeated, mornings that came with little rest and days full of soreness from the battles my husband had faced. Praises Be, we were equipped. We were ready, we fought hard, we played hard when we could play, we laughed when we were tired of crying, and we have made it. We have made it together, he has fought so hard for me, for us, for our son, for himself and I could not be more proud. I did just as I said I would. I covered him in prayer, and still do. I love to pray over my man, nothing is more fabulous. Nights were spent with him sleeping and me awake praying while I watched him rest. I stood by him, I waited for him to return victorious, I nursed the wounds that came with war, I made it my mission to build him up, and I could not be more proud of him. I love this man, the man that I am proud to say is the man of my house. He is the man of my life, he is the one who has captured my heart and I could not and would not want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else.

Not to mention, I think my son has the best daddy in the world. I cannot wait to have more babies and just fill our house with our name sake.

Andrew: I love you. I love you deeply. You are a part of me. I cannot even think of functioning without you. You and I fit together so well. I have loved every minute of the last 5 years and cannot wait to see what adventures the Lord has in store for us, as long as you are with me, we can make it through anything. I love you baby!

Wordless Wednesday

We had some great pictures taken of Isaac at 18 months by a friend, who was a very talentated new photographer – check out her work.

Man, I love this kid.

Don’t think it was ever easy…

It is no secret that Andrew and I have had our “moments”. We will just call them “moments” for now. You know the kind of “moments” I am talking about. The kind that make you fall to your knees, tears streaming down your face, doubt staring you straight in the eyes, the kind of moments that will literally shake you to your core. We have had those moments.

The moments we can look back on over the last 5 years of our marriage are life changing, faith defining, earth shaking moments. Some are filled with joy, others with anxiety. Some are filled with laughter filled nights, and others were spent listening to the beeping of hospital monitors. Some are filled with the greatest blessings anyone could ask for and then there are the moments that are so challenging one would question how we made it.

Those moments, all of them, are all moments that Jesus hand picked for us. He chose those moments for our first 5 years of marriage long before we took our first breath or even before our parents witnessed that little magic plus sign on their home pregnancy test.

So my question is this… when exactly did we ever think life, married life or life as parents would be comfortable, easy or always “wonderful”…. You know the kind of wonderful that leave it to Beaver experienced. Where exactly in the Bible does it say those who choose to follow Jesus will never know suffering, anxiety or pain?

Right now in our culture people will be in a TV show that will test the very strength of their minds and bodies, people will take it further and sign up for a TV show that will eventually put their integrity in question. They will put their kids in front of the camera and attempt to raise them with a sense of normality, and the moment they speak of Jesus and stand firm in their faith, it all comes crashing down and the cameras turn off and no one is around. The evidence of the “rumors” are still published, the hearts of their loved ones are still hurt and none of it was as easy as they thought.

I know of a woman who on a daily basis says these words about “my people”…. “religious people make me sick, their very view of life disgusts me”

When and how did we get the idea that following Jesus was the easier choice? When did we “those kind of people” think it was okay to have them call our Jesus disgusting? When were we ever encouraged to be Jesus with skin on because it was the “popular thing” to do…

His word makes it clear… “They will hate you because of me”… Those seven simple words say so much.

“They will spit on you because of me”

“They will mock you because of me”

“They will tear your lives apart with so called “reality TV” because you choose to talk about me”

“You will disgust them because of me”

“They will withhold promotions from you because of me”

“They will try to spend your money on experimental medical testing because they have no other answers and refuse to look at me”

“They will beat you and hang you on a cross, because of ME”

So I ask you this, are you up for whatever He has set out for you? Even if it is  uncomfortable, smothered with anxiety, painful, unfair, hard work, filled with long nights and even if it means you only wear water proof mascara for the rest of your life? Are you up for it?

I want to raise my son to be up for it. I want him to look in the face of pain, anxiety and fear and know that Jesus has already overcome the world. I want our family name to be one that brings a smile to the face of our savior and I want my son to be “hated” because of Him -yes you heard me right. I want my son to know Jesus so passionately no one will be able to see when he beings and his love for Jesus ends. I want him to know it is hard work to passionately love Jesus. But I also want him to know the blessings that come with it are worth it all and are enough.

But really, will the moments of blessing be enough? The moments of a peaceful nights sleep, a blessing in the midst of suffering. The moments of laughter, a blessing in the midst of over whelming heart ache. The moments of excitement as we dream of taking a trip to Vegas, a blessing in the midst of anxiety filled mornings.

Jesus – you are enough. I love you. I work for you, I sleep so I can wake well rested and honor you with my actions. I eat so I can be healthy and serve the people you have placed in my life. Even if those people spit on me, mock me, beat me and hang me on a cross, Jesus, I will do it for you. I love you.

Oh and PS – Satan, you have no place in my home, there is not a room that does not hold scripture on the walls, do not even think you are welcome in my life, my home, my mind or in any part of my husband’s mind, life and heart and do not get me started on my son…  Back the heck up – YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.